for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
