Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
