k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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