Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
