Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
