instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
