bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Couch. On fire.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
