You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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