are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you win again, gameday.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
