All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
