Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
