New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
