I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
