one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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