U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
this hospital has no fireball
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
