We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
