watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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