i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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