He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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