I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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