I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
