Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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