They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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