just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
