so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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