I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
