i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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