last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
