The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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