i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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