woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
