You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
