Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
