i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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