tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do herpes really smell.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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