Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
