I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
