either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
