Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
