i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
