Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
