Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
