I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm passing your future prison.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
