Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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