Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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