**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
