Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
