i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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