I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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