and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
