come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
