So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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