So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
