If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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