Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
