You're earring is so big in my mouth
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
