just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
