I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
